Being Fitz Page 6

  He led me by the hand to my bedroom. I bumped into the wall a couple of times along the way, barely keeping my eyes open. He sat me on the edge of the bed, helped me take off my shirt and shoes and when he gently pushed me back onto the mattress, he took off my belt and slacks. I didn’t remember much else since I fell asleep soon after that.

  When I awoke, it was after six o’clock, according to the alarm clock on the nightstand. I rubbed my eyes and sat up, trying to clear the fog from my head. How did I…Then I remembered. Simms had put me to bed. Speaking of Simms…I slowly got up and headed to the living room, where I saw a sleeping Simms stretched out on the futon. So, he was still here. Why?

  I decided to make coffee before I woke him up, just in case I needed the fortification. Once a steaming mug was in my hands, I walked over to where Simms lay and sat on the low table in front of the futon. I took a few sips before setting the cup aside and gently shaking him awake.

  “Simms?” I murmured and watched his eyes open before widening in recognition. Once he was fully awake, I took my coffee and sat in the chair to the left of the table.

  He sat up and ran his hands over his face. “How are you feeling?”

  “Still tired, but I’m better now. Thanks for putting me to bed, and Merry Christmas, I guess. What’s left of it.” I drank more coffee before asking, “Why are you still here?”

  He sighed. “I needed some sleep, too, and I was worried about you.”

  “Thanks for that, but as you can see, I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not! You’re working yourself to death for an ungrateful company and a pittance. How can you not see this?” This again.

  “Really? You’re calling me on that shit when you often work days and nights straight because crime never sleeps. How are the hours I work different from yours?”

  “I’m saving lives! You’re—” He stopped then, likely realizing he’d already put his foot in it, big time.

  “If you’re about to say that I’m only carting people around town, I’m glad you didn’t.”

  “You’re so much better than that, Fitz.”

  “What’s wrong with driving a bus? It’s a decent living and I help people get around town safely, though yes, sometimes the riders can be a pain. I provide a public service. What’s the shame in that?”

  “You were teaching college students, man. There’s no comparison.”

  “Right, there’s no comparison, just like love must be all bad because your mom allowed your stepdad to be a slut and she didn’t stand up for herself.” Okay, so maybe I was a little bit bitter.

  “You don’t get to talk about my mom like that, Fitz. Fuck you.”

  “Yeah? Well, when you equate love to what your mom went through, like you can’t make your own decisions about what that is to you instead of hiding behind it, where does that leave you? Or me?”

  “You let Jerry walk all over you before I came along.” The nerve of this guy. The truth be damned.

  I got up and opened the door to my apartment. “Get out.”

  He grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone before heading out the door. “Fine.”

  “Fine,” I replied, because we were both acting like thirteen-year-olds. “I’ll have your stuff at the precinct in a box sometime this week.”

  “Fine,” he said again, sounding a little tired this time, as he walked away. I closed the door and leaned against it. How did we get to this point?

  Chapter 8

  I wasn’t able to box up Simms’s things until after January 1st. I had worked most of Christmas week and half of New Year’s Day, so I was due some time off. Not sure why I dressed up, but I wore a purple long-sleeved button-down shirt that had been a favorite of Simms beneath a gray jacket, along with black jeans that he’d once said made his hands jealous. Maybe I needed the confidence to go through with this, or something.

  I carried the box to the officer at the front desk, my buddy Janet. She always seemed to be there when I stopped by to see Simms or drop something off.

  “Hey, Ms. Janet,” I said in greeting and kissed her cheek.

  “Hi, sweetie. Don’t you look good!” She fanned herself and I chuckled. “Please tell me you’re here to see Simms and calm his ass down because he’s being a pill today.” Her humor faded as she shook her head and sighed.

  “I dunno about that. I have some stuff to deliver to him, though,” I said, indicating the box with my chin.

  She frowned as she looked over the contents. “Tell me y’all didn’t have an argument.” I shrugged and she pressed on. “Please say you’ll kiss and make up? Pretty please? We need more examples of older same-sex couples for the younger ones to see.” Yes, she was “family”, too, and hello, I wasn’t that old. Maybe to her twenty-five years I was, though.

  “Life happens, my dear. No telling what the future will bring. Even older folks can do stupid shit, too.”

  She sighed. “He’s at his desk, but like I said, he’s in a mood. So, beware.”

  “Noted. Thank you.” I walked through the open work area, past cops on the phone or dealing with paperwork until I caught sight of—and heard—Simms yelling on the phone. I had a strong sense of déjà vu.

  When he saw me approaching, he hung up on whoever it was mid-rant, gave me the onceover, his eyes briefly alight with lust before being hidden behind a mask of arrogance and a smirk. Normally that was hot. Today, not so much.

  He leaned back in his chair. “Took you long enough,” was his witty comment. Nice. He gestured to my attire. “Is this all for me?”

  I would not be baited by him, no matter how much he was hurting. “Nope. This is for me. You’re just incidental.” His smirk disappeared behind a scowl. I continued, “While I realize my job is not up to your standards of what you think I should be doing with my life, I’ve been busy, too.” I set the box on top of his messy papers and resisted the urge to do him bodily harm. “I need the key to my apartment, please.”

  After glaring at me for about ten seconds, Simms reached into his pocket, removed the key from the chain, and tossed it to me. More like threw it, but I wouldn’t quibble. “Thanks,” I said, before pocketing the key.

  “So much for friendship,” he said in a snotty tone but I could hear the pain beneath.

  “I think we blew that out of the water last week, don’t you?” Still, I needed to apologize. I’d been doing some hard thinking over the past week and I had things to say. Things he needed to hear, even in public.

  “Look, Simms. I know I said some things that were hurtful to you, and I’m sorry. And, if I were honest with myself, I should admit that I can’t expect you to want the same things I do. Who am I to define what love is for you, or anyone? Or if that word even applies to a relationship? You know what you want, and I know what I need. Let’s leave it like that, okay? It was good while it lasted, really good, and we’ll always have that. And by the way, my choice of what I do with my life, jobwise, is my own. I may decide to make a change, or stay where I am. That choice is not up to you, and you can keep your opinions to yourself, Detective Simms.” His nostrils flared and he licked his lips, but we were past that now.

  I belatedly realized we had an audience; as in, all the cops at the nearby desks weren’t even pretending not to listen to our conversation.

  I cleared my throat. “Anyway, I wish you the best, Simms. See you around.” I turned to leave, but before I could take more than two steps, however, my path was blocked by some of the officers who’d been eavesdropping.

  “Hey, you the reason why he’s been a pain in the ass all week?” one woman asked, hands on her hips.

  “I, uh—” Before I could finish, someone else jumped in.

  “Yo, Simms. Is this the guy who punched you?” another cop asked, which sparked further questions. Ah geez.

  “Look, it’s not—” I tried again, but then more cops joined in the conversation and I couldn’t be heard anyway. Simms wasn’t saying anything either, and when I looked at him, his eyes were closed and he was ru
bbing his temples. Didn’t these folks have criminals to find, or something?

  I managed to slip through the crowd, finally, and walked past the front desk, waving at Janet since she was dealing with a fellow officer, who was escorting someone in handcuffs. She blew me a kiss and I was heading toward the front door, when my path was blocked. By Simms.

  * * * *

  “You’re blocking the way,” I offered as we stood there, staring at each other. Just because we’d broken up didn’t mean he’d stopped being the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. And he always smelled so good. Damn it.

  “Are you really planning to walk away from me, for good?” he asked, arms crossed on his chest.

  “What else is there to say? We can’t seem to get past this and I don’t want it to hurt anymore. I need to move on. You do, too.”

  He let his arms fall and reached out to cup my cheek. God. I took a breath and stepped back and bumped into someone behind me. When I turned to apologize, I saw some of the same cops from earlier were gathered in the lobby. Seriously, they had nothing better to do?

  “What’s going on?” I asked, turning to look at Simms again.

  “They’ve got my back.” He cleared his throat. “Please listen, okay? I’m an idiot, opinionated, and hard to take sometimes—” yes and you got that right came from the group that now encircled us “—and okay, I’m a little scared about the ‘L’ word. I don’t know what that means to me, but I do know that I miss you and I’m sorry for the way I’ve been behaving and the awful things I’ve said. I still think you could do better than the job you have, but as you said, it’s your choice, not mine. Please forgive me?” His pretty brown eyes pleaded with me.

  I noticed the quiet in the lobby and realized that everyone, from cops to criminals to people off the street were watching our drama.

  I didn’t need things to be this public, but here we were. “Apology accepted. But where do we go from here? I can’t…I want everything with you. I want to build a life together, live together. Can you see yourself doing that?”

  “I want to try, if you would be willing to work with me, be patient while I figure out how to do this. I want you in my life, Fitz. I’ve been miserable without you.”

  “So have we!” someone shouted, and I recognized Janet’s voice. Lord.

  The fact that Simms was spilling his guts in front of everyone, I…Well, I had been miserable, too. Perhaps a little faith and flexibility was a good thing.

  “Okay.” The entire lobby cheered and Simms kissed me, barely keeping it chaste, though someone asked for some tongue. Perverts.

  I laughed against his mouth and hugged him tight, loving the way we fit together. Maybe even better this time.

  * * * *

  After Simms and I got over our stupidity, we took our time getting to know each other again, when time permitted, and in another six months, we moved in together in a loft that was close to my old apartment. Simms hadn’t said those three words I most wanted to hear, but I understood his actions were likely the best testament to his feelings, so I could deal.

  As time went by, I started thinking more about leaving my job as a bus driver, since things were constantly hectic. Simms never brought it up again, which I appreciated, but I knew he was concerned about wellbeing. The reason I had taken the job was my father. It was how I dealt with his death. How would I move on? What would I do? I just had to figure out what I truly wanted now.

  So, a year later, when I received a letter from the Liberal Studies department head at the university where I had taught, asking if we could meet, I decided the universe was telling me something, and it was time to listen.

  I was a nervous wreck the morning of the meeting, but after a blowjob, prostate rubbing, and some serious making out, Simms had calmed me enough to be rational. My lips were still a bit sore, though, along with other parts of me.

  “You can do this,” Simms said, using a lint roller on the plaid jacket I’d dug out of the back of the closet. “I know I would hire you in a heartbeat.” He finished brushing me off and gave me the once-over, smiling in approval.

  “You’re not biased at all, are you?” I said, smiling at him, the love of my life.

  “I know what I’ve got, that’s all,” he replied with a wink. I did, too. He patted my butt, rubbed my tummy, and sent me out the door with a kiss, and told me to text him after the meeting.

  Half an hour later, Dr. Lansing sat across from me at the Tome Dome bookstore near the university and cut to the chase. “Fitz, I want you to come back.”

  While I had been expecting her to say something along those lines, the shock of hearing it took a moment to absorb. “Why? I mean, I haven’t taught anything in years. I haven’t kept up with the journals and current research, and I’m so far out of the game, it would be like starting over.”

  “It wouldn’t take you long, though. We have an opening, and I think it would be good for you, get you back into teaching. I haven’t had anyone of your caliber since you left.” She sat back with a sad smile. “I know what you gave up for your father, and I respect that. The choice is yours. We would love to have you, truly.”

  Was it that simple? “I…I don’t know what to say.”

  “Just say you’ll think about it. You would be teaching first years, and you would have all the support you needed. The salary would be the same, to start out, and we would be willing to help you with your doctorate.”

  “That’s a lot to take in.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Can I get back to you in a day or two?”

  “No problem. I just hope you say ‘yes’.”

  Naturally, when I called Simms a few minutes later, he was ecstatic, and Randy told me I had better say “yes”, or else by text. Who was I to say “no”? I called Dr. Lansing the next day and accepted the position, gave my two weeks’ notice to the bus depot, and worked like a dog until my last day. I promised Randy we would meet for drinks later in the week—he wanted to show me more baby pictures—and I headed to the police station to meet Simms, since he was taking me out to celebrate.

  When I got there, still in my uniform, Janet came around the desk and gave me a hug. “Congratulations, Fitz.” She kissed my cheek and shooed me on back. “Go calm Simms down. He’s way too excited.” She smiled and winked and went back to work.

  I walked the usual route to get to Simms, saying hello and giving high-fives to those who offered them. By the time I reached my lover, he was grinning from ear to ear.

  He pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead. “Hey, you. Congratulations! I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thank you, love.”

  Someone piped up, “Please take him home, Fitz. He’s been bouncing off the walls all day.”

  I looked at Simms with a smile. “That right?”

  “Don’t listen to these fools. They just want what I got.”

  With our arms around each other’s waists, we walked toward the front of the building. “What’s that exactly?” I asked.

  “Your fine ass, baby. It’s all mine.”

  “It better be.”

  Simms took me dancing at the same club where we’d hung out so many months ago, his hands all over me since he thought my bus uniform was sexy. Apparently, others did, too, because my ass was sore from pinches. When I complained about encroachments upon my person, he rubbed my butt and then took two handfuls and squeezed. I stopped complaining after that.

  It was the most fun I’d ever had in this uniform, anyway. I might send it back. Maybe. We made out on the dance floor, moving to the beat, fast or slow, and it was glorious. We’d come so far, he and I.

  When we finally made it home, Simms and I made love to each other until we were too exhausted to move. I knew he loved me. I did, too.

  * * * *

  On my first day of teaching freshmen in the fall, Simms escorted me to class early and helped me set up my desk.

  “You can do this,” he said, cupping my face and kissing me softly. “You’re doing what you love and you deserve
this, hear me?”

  I hugged him close, so happy to have him in my life, to have his support, his love, the best way he knew how. “I wouldn’t be here without you. I love you, you know?” I leaned back and stared into those lovely brown eyes. “You helped me become a better man.”

  “No, baby. That was all you.” He stepped back as the door to the classroom opened and some people filed in. “I love you, too.”

  With that bombshell, and a wink, he was gone. I would make him pay for that later. I turned to smile at the bedraggled, half-asleep students who found their seats in a cacophony of sound and false bravado. It was like coming home.

  I thought my dad would be proud, if he could see me today. Hell, I was proud, too. Life couldn’t get much better.

  THE END

  ABOUT J.D. WALKER

  J.D. Walker likes to keep her stories short and sweet, with the occasional novel or novella. A multi-published author, she is also a musician, artist, language enthusiast (German and Spanish), and lover of all things knit and crochet.

  For more information, visit lifebyjo.com/jdwalker.

  ABOUT JMS BOOKS LLC

  JMS Books LLC is a small queer press with competitive royalty rates publishing LGBT romance, erotic romance, and young adult fiction. Visit jms-books.com for our latest releases and submission guidelines!