Because of Sam Page 2

Shocked, I stared at her. She hid again, but hey, she spoke! “Bye, Samantha. You be good today, okay?”

  She nodded again. I hesitated, then leaned in to kiss her cheek. It was so soft and delicate. I checked my watch. Crap, now it was seven thirty. “Later,” I said and rushed out the door.

  * * * *

  It was eight o’clock when I finally arrived at work. As a result, the scowl on my face was harsher than usual. My staff scurried out of the way as I strode to my office without even a good morning. When I entered it, I found the CEO rooting through my filing cabinet.

  I stopped dead in my tracks. “Care to explain why you’re in here, Henson?” My tone could freeze boiling water.

  He sneered at me. “You’re late, and I needed a file none of your worthless employees could find for me. I had to take matters into my own hands.”

  My hackles were raised at his comment. It was one thing for me to chew out and abuse my staff, but he didn’t get to do that. “You leave them out of this. You know protocol, Henson, and you’ve stepped over the line.”

  “I’m still the head of this company, no matter what protocol you may have implemented. You run this department like you’re the king of the world. Watch your step, or you’ll be out on your ass. You’ve never been late before either. I’d be careful, if I were you.”

  With that warning, Henson Asswipe—I mean Ashton—left my office. I’d never liked the man, but lately he seemed to be gunning for me.

  I really did need to watch my back.

  * * * *

  That evening, I was ten minutes late to the daycare center. When I arrived, Samantha and Ryan were the only two there. It had been a hellish day at work, with fuckups everywhere. Something big was coming down the pipeline, and it had made everyone antsy, especially me, as I should have been informed since I was the goddamn CFO! It was a relief, actually, to be away from the office. A major first for me.

  When I walked into the playroom, Samantha looked up at me and gave me a big, goofy grin that turned my heart over and made my horrific day disappear. I sat next to Ryan, who concentrated on his charge as she played with an animal alphabet puzzle.

  “Hi, Samantha,” I said and observed as she put the pieces together unerringly. To Ryan, I said, “I’m sorry for being late.”

  He smiled. “I understand. It’s fine. I usually stay late with the toddlers whose parents or guardians have demanding jobs or ridiculous schedules. Don’t worry about it.”

  “How has she been today?” I asked in a low voice.

  “She plays well with the other kids,” he replied, “though they have to approach her first. She’s shy, but friendly.”

  “Okay.” I watched her for a while, then heard Ryan’s stomach growl, prompting mine to do the same. “Look,” I said. “I’m new to all this kid stuff, as you can tell, and I don’t know you from Adam, but you were patient and helpful with me when I came in so flustered and rushed this morning. Can I offer a meal as a “thank you,” and maybe you can give me a crash course in, uh, kid stuff?” I tried to appear as pitiful as possible. Wasn’t hard.

  Ryan chuckled. “You know, Samantha uses the same tactic when she wants something. It’s the eyes, man.” He shook his head. “I’m the middle kid of seven children, so I know all about taking care of little ones. How about this? I have to close up shop here, then I can go with you. While I do that, why don’t you check over the paperwork I’ll be giving you shortly and then once we’re done, we’ll go wherever you want to eat. Samantha’s hungry, I’m sure.”

  “I bet. And I need to get…stuff for her and, oh God! Where’s she supposed to sleep? Fu…fizzle sticks!” I felt like tearing my hair out, since I hated not being in control.

  “Take a deep breath, Mr. Wesley. One step at a time, okay? I’ll be right back.” Ryan walked away, and the snug jeans he wore drew my attention to his ass as it bounced with each step. It had been a long time since a guy attracted me the way Ryan did, without even trying.

  He returned briefly with some documents and I reviewed them while keeping an eye on Samantha. I signed everything and added my credit card information, to be charged on a weekly basis. As I closed the folder, I felt a tug on my leg.

  I looked down to my right to see Samantha next to me, her arms held out for a lift. I obliged and picked her up, setting her on my lap. She felt good against my chest, so warm and precious. “Did you have a nice day?” I asked.

  Samantha nodded.

  “Are you hungry?”

  Another nod.

  By this time, Ryan had returned. “Okay, we can go. I’ll get here early enough in the morning to straighten up a little more, though it’s not that messy in here.”

  I stood, and with Samantha still in my arms, I gathered the rest of her belongings then followed Ryan out of the center. I watched him lock up, then asked him what time he had to be here the next day.

  “Five o’clock.” Damn, that was even earlier than I got to work.

  “Man.”

  “Yeah, but it’s only five days a week. I’m free on weekends.” Ryan walked beside me to the SUV and I unlocked the car. He got into the passenger seat in front.

  I placed Samantha in the backseat again, but this time, I strapped her into the car seat I’d bought during a lunch break I’d taken earlier in the day. I usually ate in my office, so people had been staring at me funny when I’d left.

  Once Samantha was settled in and I’d stashed her things on the floor, I asked her, “What do you want to eat, honey?”

  I drove out of the parking lot and turned right onto the street. “Fwies,” she said.

  I furrowed my brow. “Fwies?” I repeated, and Ryan translated.

  “She means ‘fries’,” he said.

  “Oh. You want a burger, too?” I asked, and she nodded again.

  “What about you, Ryan?” I headed to a McDonald’s on Grover Boulevard.

  “That works for me, as well.”

  “Good.” Once we got to the fast food joint, we pulled up in the drive-through and gave our orders. Ten minutes later, we were parked in front of my condo building.

  “Ryan, would you mind helping me with some of this stuff?”

  “Sure.” He grabbed Samantha’s bags and our dinner while I carried Samantha on my hip, my workbag on my shoulder, and my briefcase in hand. I acknowledged Frank, who was already on shift, and we headed up the elevator to my place.

  “Wow, this place is really…white,” Ryan said when we entered.

  “Yeah, I guess it is.” I set Samantha on her feet and Ryan took her hand.

  “She should wash her hands before eating,” he suggested, and I pointed to the bathroom down the hall to the left.

  When they returned, Ryan grabbed a cushion from the living room and set it on the chair so Samantha could reach the table. I thanked him.

  “My pleasure,” he responded.

  I put her kiddie burger, apple slices, and small packet of fries on a plate, and doled out the rest of the food between Ryan and me, as well as the drinks. We all settled down to eat and I was happy to see that Samantha had a good appetite, though she was very careful about her food. She ate each fry slowly, dipping them in the ketchup and mustard Ryan had squeezed out for her before each nibble. It made me smile.

  “So you know what I do for a living,” Ryan said between bites. “What about you?”

  “I work in finance,” was my response. I didn’t really want to go into the specifics right now.

  “From the cut of your suit, I’d say you were high up in that world,” Ryan said.

  “You know suits?” I asked, wiping my mouth and slurping my milkshake.

  “Oh yeah. One of my brothers is an accountant for a “big four” firm. He practically lives in those things.” Ryan shook his head, clearly bemused.

  “I take it suits aren’t your thing?” I asked.

  He shuddered. “Only to weddings or funerals. I’d rather die than be caught in something so formal, unless absolutely necessary.”

  �
�I see.” I thought Ryan would look great in a suit, but he was just fine as he was. Mighty fine, if I was being honest with myself.

  Samantha yawned. Oh, right. I had to figure out where she was going to sleep. Did she have clothes? What about a toothbrush? Ah, hell.

  Ryan must have noticed my sudden panic because he said, “I believe Samantha has a lot of stuff in her bags that might be helpful. Why don’t I see what’s in there, and then the two of us can help her get ready for bed?”

  I breathed deeply in and out. I was the CFO of a huge corporation. Why should one little kid scare the crap out of me? “That would be great, thanks.” I thought about where she would sleep. “There are two bedrooms in the condo, so I’ll set up the one I never use.”

  “Okay.” While Ryan went with Samantha to go through her belongings, I quickly cleaned up the kitchen.

  A few minutes later, Ryan, Samantha, and I went down the hall to the room that would be hers for the time being. While Ryan helped Samantha brush her teeth, I had the task of sorting out her outfits and finding her something to wear for the night.

  I put away her clothing in the chest of drawers against the wall and placed her tiny shoes in the closet. Her teddy bear went on the bed, and the other small toys she had were arranged on the carpet next to the dresser. The few books I found were placed on the nightstand next to the bed.

  I went back to the bathroom with a tiny nightgown for Samantha, only to find Ryan filling up the tub. Ah, bath time. “What can I do?” I asked. The bathroom was big enough for all of us to be in there at the same time, thankfully.

  “Undress Samantha so we can get her cleaned up,” Ryan stated. Samantha was very sleepy by now, but she really did need a bath, so I removed all her clothes, and helped her into the tub.

  Between the two of us, Ryan and I got her clean and then dried off in a towel four times her size. She was practically asleep by the time she was dressed and ready for bed.

  I carried her to the bedroom and laid her carefully under the covers I’d turned down. I tucked her in, and since I wasn’t sure if she’d like the light on at night or not, I left it on. If she was anything like her mom, she’d prefer it on while she slept. Louise had been afraid of the dark.

  I stood back and watched Samantha for a moment. So tiny and precious. And now, my responsibility. What was I going to do?

  * * * *

  Ryan followed me back into the living room and sat beside me on the couch. I placed my elbows on my thighs and let my head drop into my hands. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Ryan.”

  “I think you’re doing just fine, Mr. Wesley.”

  “Call me Martin, please,” I said.

  “Okay. So, Martin…can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.” I leaned back against the cushions and realized I was still wearing my suit, and there was a stain of some kind on my white shirt. Wonderful.

  “What’s the deal with Samantha?”

  My breathing hitched before I replied. “Her mother—my sister, Louise—died, and I’m the only next of kin.”

  “I’m sorry,” he replied.

  “Thanks. I don’t know what else was going on in her life, because we hadn’t spoken since I left home at eighteen. Our father…” I rubbed my fingers over the scars on my face. “We were taken away from him when we were young. He was…abusive. Anyway, we lived with an uncle, and when I was old enough to leave home, I split.”

  Silence greeted my statement and I looked over to see Ryan with an expression of horror on his face. “That’s awful! I don’t know what I’d do…”

  “Be glad you’ve never had to know.” I loosened my tie. “This morning, a social worker shows up with Samantha in tow, and that’s the first I’ve heard of my sister having a kid.”

  “That’s tough, hon,” he said and I appreciated his sympathy.

  “Yeah.” I glanced at my watch. It was almost nine. “It’s getting late for you, isn’t it? You’ve been so kind to me and Samantha. I can’t thank you enough for your help.”

  Ryan gave me the most beautiful smile. “It was my pleasure, and I would be more than happy to help out even more, if you need it. Tell you what, since I’m free on the weekends and I’ve got nothing going on right now, how about I come over and teach you some stuff about kids and how to take care of them? You’re starting from scratch, and you need all the help you can get, right?”

  I sighed with relief. “I would love that, thank you. It’s just…well, I’m used to working fifteen-hour days or more, seven days a week. I’m already behind on my workload and I’ll probably have to pull an all-nighter just to catch up on stuff from today.” My head pounded at the thought.

  “I know it’s hard, Martin, but you’ll adjust,” Ryan said. “In fact, with Samantha around, you won’t have a choice. Kids need a lot of attention, and you have to be there for them, twenty-four-seven. It’s all or nothing.”

  He got up and I walked him to the door. “How are you getting home?”

  “I’ll take a cab. I’m so happy tomorrow’s Friday. I’ll see you at the daycare in the morning, and when you pick up Samantha in the evening, we’ll discuss the weekend, okay?”

  I had no choice. Louise had entrusted Samantha to me, and I wouldn’t let her down, or her daughter. “Sure. Again, thanks for being here, tonight. It helped more than you know.”

  “I think I do,” he responded, grinning at me. I wanted to kiss the freckles on his nose. Ryan leaned in to kiss me on the cheek, and then said, “Hey, add my cell phone number to your contacts so you can reach me whenever.” We quickly pulled out our mobiles and exchanged digits.

  “Great, we’re all set. See you,” Ryan said, then he opened the door and left.

  I took a quick shower and changed into shorts and a T-shirt. For some reason, it was hard to keep my mind on the numbers before me on the laptop. My thoughts kept drifting to the little girl in the spare bedroom who’d been so sad and quiet when we’d met. It reminded me that I hadn’t inspected the contents of the envelope that Rita, the social worker, had given me this morning.

  I retrieved it from my briefcase and emptied the items onto the table. There were a few personal effects for both Louise and Samantha, as well as a letter addressed to me. I decided to read it since I wasn’t focusing on work anyway.

  * * * *

  Dear Martin,

  It’s been so long since we’ve seen each other. I don’t blame you for not wanting contact with the past. The things we went through were punishment enough, and the sight of me probably wouldn’t help at all.

  I’ve never…I’ve never thanked you, Martin, for protecting me that day when Dad tried to hurt me. You took all his rage and will bear the scars he gave you for the rest of your life. I have to live with that, but you, even more so.

  You hate him as much as I do, I know. But time has eased some of that rage in me, especially after the birth of Sam. She is my light, Martin. The one good thing that I’ve done in this world.

  As I lie here, dying, I think of you and know you probably need that light, too. If I know anything about you, it’s that you hate yourself for being the spitting image of Dad. But just because you share his genetics doesn’t mean you are him.

  I would trust you with my life, and that’s why I want you to take care of Sam. She will help you heal, Martin. She sure helped me. Open up your heart and let her in. It’ll feel good, I promise.

  Uncle George is old now. He’s got Alzheimer’s and doesn’t recognize me or Sam anymore. I had to put him in a home where they could take better care of him than I could. I visited him when I was well enough to do so and took Sam with me. I haven’t been in a while, though. The address to where he lives is at the end of this letter. If you ever want to stop by…

  I’m sorry I can’t see you one last time before I go, but I think of you often, and wish you well. I will always love you, brother. Please know that you are loved, and worthy of it.

  Your sister,

  Louise

  * * * *


  I barely acknowledged the tears that ran down my face. Louise had loved me, even though I’d abandoned her years ago. I didn’t know what to think. She had given her most precious possession to me in the hopes that I would be the parent that Samantha—Sam—needed. How on earth would I do that?

  I reread the letter, wishing I’d been there for my sister, and could have spoken to her one last time. Had she died alone? I hoped not.

  I set the sheet of paper aside, lost in thought until I heard whimpering coming from Samantha’s room. I immediately got up and ran to see what was wrong.

  When I entered, she was crying in her sleep. “Mommy, mommy,” she kept repeating.

  Ah, shit. I did the only thing I could do. I crawled into bed, sat against the pillows and drew Sam into my embrace. “It’s okay, baby girl,” I whispered. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

  I said that over and over as Sam called out for her mom. Her cries just about broke my heart—a heart I’d believed had lost the ability to feel anything. It took half an hour, but she finally calmed down. I remained with her all night, spreadsheets be damned.

  By morning, I hadn’t slept more than two hours, but I felt a peace I hadn’t known in years. I had been entrusted with the care of a special human being and I found myself more interested in her welfare than anything else in my life right now. A big change for me.

  I could hear my cellphone alarm going off in the living room. Carefully, so as not to wake Sam up, I got out of bed, tucked her back under the covers, and went into the living room. I sent an email to Henson that I would be working from home this morning, then sent another one to Willard the Inept that he needed to get a few files ready for me when I arrived in the office later in the day. Hopefully, he’d be able to manage that task without fucking it up.

  By six o’clock, I’d already gotten dressed and figured it was time to get Sam up and ready for daycare. I went to her room and found her sitting with her teddy bear. She beamed at me and silently begged me to carry her.

  Once I held her against my chest, I said, “Morning, sunshine.”

  I got a kiss for that.

  “Ready to go see Ryan at daycare?”

  She nodded vigorously.